A Dream

Usually I don't dream, but recently I have been dreaming a lot. Last nights dream may be meaningful.

I dreamed that I was building a sort of tree fort with a friend. It was more like pieces of wood that were nailed to really really tall trees. My friend (not specified in the dream) was building his/her fort right next to mine. Our tree houses/forts were separate but right next to each other.

We were both building them really tall. I was starting to worry if it was too tall? My friends fort/tree house seemed more stable. So I decided to expand over an area (rather than go higher) so as to stabilize it more. However the tree house/fort was near a pre-school. The pre-school was next door and there was a fence separating the area (park? company backyard?) that I was building in. There was an opening in the fence so that people and children could walk through and walk into the park. So I couldn't build behind me since that would mean I'd build over the opening. So I decided to build in front of me, and therefore expand.

I left the trees temporarily to get an extra piece or go to the bathroom or something. I was then sitting down so that I was watching the tree house/fort from afar. I was sitting with a friend (the same friend??) when a wind started to blow at the trees and also at the tree houses/forts. The trees (supports?) that my tree house was on began to bend and my tree house began to fall apart. My friends tree house was fine, because it was so stable, but mine was not. In fact, my tree house not only fell apart, but the pieces landed on several children from the pre-school next door and it ended up injuring them. There was a lawsuit against the company that I was working for, but nobody in the company knew who injured the kids with the tree house/fort. Nobody knew who built the tree house/fort. I didn't say anything but instead, I hid. I couldn't say anything to the company and I couldn't be honest that it was me because I was so ashamed. However, I was thinking about telling the truth to the company. I was just afraid that if I did so it would ruin me. I was also afraid of losing a lot of money because the lawsuit might try to get me to pay.

So I guess my fear is that I am building something that is not stable and that it will all come apart and injure kids in some way. I am trying to expand (rather than go higher up) because I suspect what I am doing is not stable and I want to stabilize it. (Perhaps the stability thing is the money/job thing?) But I think it really will come apart anyway, as soon as I step away. I am also afraid of admitting it or telling people. I am afraid of being honest about it and admitting its my fault when/if it falls apart.

This most definitely relates, in some way, to my dilemma of whether or not I should try to continue with teaching ESL as a career (or even go to China/another country) or if I should try another field entirely such as journalism. I could also do both (one or both as a part time thing.) Obviously the fort/tree house represents my efforts to be a teacher such as getting a rather expensive masters degree in education. The pre-schoolers represent the children or students I would interact with or teacher. Expanding represents going to China or another country, and going higher represents ambition. Expanding is going to China (rather than ambition) because as an ESL teacher in a country in Asia, I won't really develop as a teacher. (I have much much more education than I need for a teacher in asia. All I really need is a bachelors in anything. However I also see it as a more stable thing right now). I think my dream is saying that going abroad won't really matter.

Then again, perhaps the whole idea of moving out of teaching is the bad idea? Perhaps my dreams are telling me that going into journalism is the bad idea?

However, I don't think that's the case. The reason why I suspect that my dreams are warning me about teaching is that, I had a dream previously where there were a bunch of people with glass necks and glass parts of their body (neck, eyes, whatever) and they were near these large clear bubble things. They were just standing in the middle of a ravine not moving. When I tried to go near them they shouted at me and told me not to go near them because if I did the clear bubbles might touch me and I would be like them. i wouldn't be able to eat, breath or drink at all. They were unable to do anything. I think that this definitely represents the teachers life, where from September to June they don't have a chance to eat, breath or do anything because their life revolves around teaching. (They eat breath and sleep teaching but that's it.)

Then later in that dream, I started trying to run away from the clear/white bubbles but it started to chase me. At the end of that dream it hadn't touched me yet but I was still running from it.

Right now, you could say that I am "running" from teaching because I want to have a life. I love teaching, but I'm afraid that I will do nothing but eat, sleep, drink and breath teaching.


Then again, in the first dream with the tree fort/house, the wind blows the tree house/fort over. It's kind of like the idiom "to blow over". The definition from dictionary.com is:

a.

to pass away; subsideminutes.

b.

to be forgotten: blow over.

So, my dream could ALSO mean that if teaching is forgotten (or subsides...i.e. I don't build it up anymore or try for it) then it will all fall apart and injure the children!

So, it could be either way. Ah, dreams are so cryptic. I need a career counselor. Then again I could always do both (teach ESL and do freelance journalism.) That would be cool.