A Dream

Usually I don't dream, but recently I have been dreaming a lot. Last nights dream may be meaningful.

I dreamed that I was building a sort of tree fort with a friend. It was more like pieces of wood that were nailed to really really tall trees. My friend (not specified in the dream) was building his/her fort right next to mine. Our tree houses/forts were separate but right next to each other.

We were both building them really tall. I was starting to worry if it was too tall? My friends fort/tree house seemed more stable. So I decided to expand over an area (rather than go higher) so as to stabilize it more. However the tree house/fort was near a pre-school. The pre-school was next door and there was a fence separating the area (park? company backyard?) that I was building in. There was an opening in the fence so that people and children could walk through and walk into the park. So I couldn't build behind me since that would mean I'd build over the opening. So I decided to build in front of me, and therefore expand.

I left the trees temporarily to get an extra piece or go to the bathroom or something. I was then sitting down so that I was watching the tree house/fort from afar. I was sitting with a friend (the same friend??) when a wind started to blow at the trees and also at the tree houses/forts. The trees (supports?) that my tree house was on began to bend and my tree house began to fall apart. My friends tree house was fine, because it was so stable, but mine was not. In fact, my tree house not only fell apart, but the pieces landed on several children from the pre-school next door and it ended up injuring them. There was a lawsuit against the company that I was working for, but nobody in the company knew who injured the kids with the tree house/fort. Nobody knew who built the tree house/fort. I didn't say anything but instead, I hid. I couldn't say anything to the company and I couldn't be honest that it was me because I was so ashamed. However, I was thinking about telling the truth to the company. I was just afraid that if I did so it would ruin me. I was also afraid of losing a lot of money because the lawsuit might try to get me to pay.

So I guess my fear is that I am building something that is not stable and that it will all come apart and injure kids in some way. I am trying to expand (rather than go higher up) because I suspect what I am doing is not stable and I want to stabilize it. (Perhaps the stability thing is the money/job thing?) But I think it really will come apart anyway, as soon as I step away. I am also afraid of admitting it or telling people. I am afraid of being honest about it and admitting its my fault when/if it falls apart.

This most definitely relates, in some way, to my dilemma of whether or not I should try to continue with teaching ESL as a career (or even go to China/another country) or if I should try another field entirely such as journalism. I could also do both (one or both as a part time thing.) Obviously the fort/tree house represents my efforts to be a teacher such as getting a rather expensive masters degree in education. The pre-schoolers represent the children or students I would interact with or teacher. Expanding represents going to China or another country, and going higher represents ambition. Expanding is going to China (rather than ambition) because as an ESL teacher in a country in Asia, I won't really develop as a teacher. (I have much much more education than I need for a teacher in asia. All I really need is a bachelors in anything. However I also see it as a more stable thing right now). I think my dream is saying that going abroad won't really matter.

Then again, perhaps the whole idea of moving out of teaching is the bad idea? Perhaps my dreams are telling me that going into journalism is the bad idea?

However, I don't think that's the case. The reason why I suspect that my dreams are warning me about teaching is that, I had a dream previously where there were a bunch of people with glass necks and glass parts of their body (neck, eyes, whatever) and they were near these large clear bubble things. They were just standing in the middle of a ravine not moving. When I tried to go near them they shouted at me and told me not to go near them because if I did the clear bubbles might touch me and I would be like them. i wouldn't be able to eat, breath or drink at all. They were unable to do anything. I think that this definitely represents the teachers life, where from September to June they don't have a chance to eat, breath or do anything because their life revolves around teaching. (They eat breath and sleep teaching but that's it.)

Then later in that dream, I started trying to run away from the clear/white bubbles but it started to chase me. At the end of that dream it hadn't touched me yet but I was still running from it.

Right now, you could say that I am "running" from teaching because I want to have a life. I love teaching, but I'm afraid that I will do nothing but eat, sleep, drink and breath teaching.


Then again, in the first dream with the tree fort/house, the wind blows the tree house/fort over. It's kind of like the idiom "to blow over". The definition from dictionary.com is:

a.

to pass away; subsideminutes.

b.

to be forgotten: blow over.

So, my dream could ALSO mean that if teaching is forgotten (or subsides...i.e. I don't build it up anymore or try for it) then it will all fall apart and injure the children!

So, it could be either way. Ah, dreams are so cryptic. I need a career counselor. Then again I could always do both (teach ESL and do freelance journalism.) That would be cool.

So they have this really nice alarm clock that literally runs away from you once it starts to go off. It's called clocky, and it's set on two wheels. I'm not kidding, it literally runs away from you. The reasoning behind it is that when the alarm clock goes off in the morning, people often oversleep because they keep hitting the snooze button too many times.

I have a better solution: Remove the snooze button. Or at least make it optional.

It's so simple that I am astounded no one has thought of it. Sure clocky is cute (I got one as a gift one year) but it actually doesn't work all that well. For one, if you don't have the floor space then there is no where it can run. Second, if you're floor is tilted like mine was, it just sits there and goes around in circles so it's easy to catch. And what if you have a rug?

No, sometimes the best solution is the simplest one. That solution is simple: Get rid of the snooze!

You may worry that by getting rid of the snooze, you won't make it to work at all. What happens if you just turn off the alarm completely? To be honest, I doubt you'd do that. When we are half asleep as we are when the alarm goes off in the morning, we are not completely stupid. We are only half aware. Our will power is diminished and our sense of time is off, but we are still aware of things like "if I turn the alarm clock off, I won't make it to work at all." However, the snooze button tricks us. We can say "lets hit it just one more time" without even looking at the clock. If our sense of time is off because we are sleeping, we may think that "just one more time" will put us to only five minutes or ten minutes later while in reality it may be twenty.

It's the most ridicolus thing I have ever seen- the snooze button is the worst invention ever, yet nobody sees it. I am glad I haven't overslept much since my unergrad college days. Still I cannot get over the fact that everyone is overlooking this very simple solution. The first person who makes an alarm clock with an optional snooze button is my hero. I will buy your alarm clock the first day you sell it, even though I may never need it.

The job outlook on...Teaching?

I am starting to really doubt so called career advice and information. Especially online, but also in all forms of media.

I am also starting to suspect that it's not the journalists fault, or the writers fault. Rather, it's like a well repeated meme that doesn't keep up with reality.

Here's an example:

Teachers are poor and don't make enough money.

I suppose this depends on what you define as "don't make enough money" and "poor" but, I really don't consider $40,000 to $50,000 and over to be "poor". $18,000 is poor, $20,000 is poor, but not $50,000.

Sure it depends on the state you are living in. I am quoting salaries of teachers from New York. still, a starting salary of $40,000 in New York for a teacher with only an undergrad is not bad. $35,000 (for salaries in other states) isn't as good but I wouldn't call it poor either.

So, where is this "teachers are poor" meme coming from? Why doesn't anyone challenge it?

The thing that really gets me, though, is the "teaching is a good, safe, recession proof career." Tell that to the newly minted grads all over the country who can't find a job.

How about the articles on "teaching" websites that tell you about "the best cities for teachers to live in?" New York City is on there. Did you know that there is a highering freeze for all public New York City Teachers? And I am talking about the ENTIRE city of New york. With only a few exceptions, new teachers cannot find jobs.

At least the New York Times got it right with their article on new grads who can't find teaching jobs due to the hiring freeze, but thats the only article I have read anywhere that hints at the problem.

So apparently teaching is a good, safe career? Has anyone actually talked to teachers? I have. I am one of those newly minted grads with a nice shiny Ms.Ed. I haven't talked to a single teacher, adminstrater, or anyone currently working in the education sector that can give good news about the job market for teachers. One exception is special ed teachers (do you mind emotionally disturbed kids who may bite, kick and beat you? Sure some of them may be sweet and wonderful to work with, but you don't really get to choose). The other exception are the fellows. Its a strange strange thing when people who suddenly decide one year "I want to teach" can apply for the fellows teaching program and get a job without any preperation, yet people who spend years preparing to be teachers can't get a job.

So, what about substtute teaching? Oh guess what, that's not so easy either. It used to be that you could just apply to be a substitute teacher, then you'd get a sub teaching license. After that you can look around to see which schools need subsitute teaching.


Now, you need to be nominated by the principal of a school. You may say "so what?" because after all, maybe it works that way in the business world. The place that you work at is the place you get hired at. However, principals are not too comfortable with this. I've seen them pull art teachers and music teachers to cover for sick teachers rather than spend the money on a substitute teacher. I've seen them excess then rehire a teacher for lower pay as a "full time substitute" so that they can meet their ever decreasing budgets. Ah yes, why would a princpal do all the paperwork to nominate a new, untested potential teacher as a substitute when they can just use people who already have substitute teacher numbers? I.e. teachers who were excessed and are looking for a school to call home? (These numbers, may I add, are magical numbers that you need to teach with the DOE).

Oh did I mention that? New York city has managed to avoid massive layoffs, but that doesn't mean teachers are working. I think you, dear reader, already know that though, thanks to the great articles on excesses teachers by various papers. These are teachers who aren't working (often through no fault of their own- the school just can't afford them!) and yet they are still getting paid. Meanwhile, new grads are being forced into other careers. Maybe for some of us, that's a good thing. Teaching is not for everyone. Yet how many talented, potential teachers will never set foot in the classroom because of this economy? So do not assume that what you are hearing is true: Right now, not even teachers are safe. Teaching is not a recession proof career.

Freewriting #2

There was only so much she could do before the weight of it all crushed her. The rocks were pressing down hard on her thin body and she was alone. Everywhere around her, darkness. It was always in the caves and in the silence that she thought she could escape, but now she was pinned down again, a victim of her own foolishness.

Sarah Mills had tried to climb the mountain inside the cave.

Sarah had been exploring the caverns for perhaps miles, like any other time she had gone underground. Most of the caverns were the length of the ceiling and they were no taller than twice her height. At a short five foot two, Sarah Mills was not a tall person,, so she was surprised when the cavern tunnel suddenly opened into a large area where she couldn't even see the ceiling.

If not for the stalactites that came from the ground and rose up to the ceiling, probably acting as large pillars, she might have thought she was walking outside in the deep night. There were no stars of course. There was no light. An experienced spelunker, like Sarah, would know the difference between a cave and the great outdoors on a cloudy night. So obviously it was not the great outdoors. It was just that the endless space gave her that very feeling.

The air in that cavern had a misty green tint to it wherever she shined the flashlight. It was almost like a fog. Sara had wondered where it came from and how healthy it was to breath. Was it some kind of gas deep from the earth? Something that could kill her? Then, in the distance she saw it. The mountain.

Sarah was no expert at rock climbing, but the allure of the thing was irresistible. She wanted to see just how high up the thing went. Although it looked like a mountain, perhaps it somehow joined with the ceiling as a massive stalactite/stalagmite. So she decided to climb.

She must have been climbing for over a half hour. She'd stop at ledges to take a breather, or quickly scan upward to see if she could find a better path. Luckily she didn't need any mountain climbing equipment because she had none of it with her anyway. However, there were places where she could have used it.

Without warning, there was a loud rumbling. Sarah looked upward toward the mountain and the source of the noise. She saw it immediately. Thousands and thousands of rocks, all shapes and sizes, were rushing towards her. A rock slide. Fear gripped her. She needed to be somewhere else. So she ran.

She had always been a good runner. Not great, but good. Even then she saw the rocks getting closer and knew she wouldn't make it. Knowing that seemed to somehow calm her mind for just a moment. It was in that moment that she found a little nook just barely large enough to protect her from the rocks if she slipped in. So slipped in she did.

The rocks slammed down past her just as she was entering the niche. She barely had time to get most of her body in, but her leg hadn't made it all the way in. She had scooted in backwards on her backside and pulled in her right leg just in time, but her left one was hit by a small bowling sized piece of rock. on something for just a second. In any normal circumstance, it would have only taken her a fraction of a second longer to pull her left leg into her chest as well. It would have only been a fraction of a second for her mind to recover from the shock of a bowling ball sized rock bouncing off her leg like a ping pong ball. It was in that second that a rock the size of a room landed on her leg.

Now, she was stuck there and the rock was crushing her leg with perhaps several thousand pounds of stone. At first Sarah couldn't think, the pain was so great. Now, she wondered if she had a leg at all. It was as if there was nothing there.

The rock slide stopped. Sarah tried to move again, to no avail. She was pinned firmly, sitting down in a niche with one leg neatly pulled into her chest and the other extended, lifeless. a rock was just inches away from her face and body.

Perhaps she could dig her way out? She tried to find some small crack that she could dig her fingernails in, but then thought better of it. She couldn't see anything anyway.

It was as if her life flashed in front of her eyes then. All the things left unsaid, all the things left undone. Robert, who would be waiting for her, and would wait forever. James, who could be the best drinking partner a girl could ask for, and Sarah really was quite a drinker. Then there was Janie, her sister, who had just gotten married and had a baby not only two weeks ago.

Sarah was to die alone, in the dark, with so many things left undone and so many things left unsaid.

Hours passed, perhaps longer. Perhaps she slept, she did not know. Briefly, Sarah wondered if hours had passed, or only moments, because how else was she still breathing in such a tiny small space? Wouldn't she have suffocated by this time?

Then she saw the green mist. Or she thought she saw it. No, she was dreaming. There were only rocks in front of her, blocking her path.

When she awoke, she felt water dripping on her face.
"What?" she sat up in surprise, and felt a stabbing pain where her leg used to be.

"We were lucky we found you" a voice said. It was still night and the mist was around her, everywhere. "What on earth possessed you to climb hells mountain?"

Sarah had a splitting headache so she lay back down. She thought she was imagining things. There was someone out here? She was alive? Had it been a dream?

"Am I dead?" she asked.

"Goodness, no." said the same voice.

Did Sarah smell smoke? A fire? Now she knew she was delusional. How could anyone start a fire in the caverns?

"My name's L'ro from the Gilgan clan. You are?" Something that looked like a half man, half horse walked up to her and looked down towards her broken body.

"Eeeeek! I'm going crazy!" Sarah screamed and she tried as best as she could, to get up and away from the centaur. Then she realized that her leg was missing.

"What...where's my leg!" she screamed again.

"Shhhh quiet!" the centaur, L'ro, said. "There are bog hounds around here. The fire won't keep them away if they think there's injured..." then he paused for a moment. A look of sympathy crossed his face. "I'm sorry." his voice softened a little. "We had to amputate your leg. It was infected. But it was completely useless anyway, the rocks had crushed it."

"Oh." As if all this made sense.

Sarah lay back down, giving into the headache. Yes, she must have gone crazy. Perhaps if she went to sleep, she'd wake up again and be back in reality. Or a psych ward. Either way, this reality was not one that she wanted. Sarah Miller, athletic, thin, outgoing woman. Gym frequenter, swimmer, runner. She couldn't imagine being a cripple.

Could a Career Change be What's Meant to Be?

In nature, it is the animal that is the generalist that does better during bad times. The specialist does better during times of plenty. I remember learning this in biology class when my college professor showed us pictures of some kind of animal or coral or something. The thing lived on a cliff where the ocean tide often changed. One of the things could live both under the water and above the water, while another kind could only live under the water. During good times that specialist did the best and it's sheer population underwater was proof of it. However, during periods of low tide the generalist was doing better. It's population far out numbered the specialist, while the specialist was barely hanging on for life.

Then there are other examples in nature. Take for example the animal that has a varied diet. Perhaps it can eat many things such as insects, plants and small animals. Compare that to the animal that has only one source of nutrition. When that one source of nutrition dwindles, which animal will suffer? Although the specialist may be better adapted at getting its one and only source of food, the generalist will be better off in hard times because it has such a varied diet.

I see many parallels between this and the current economy. Although I have spent the last three years getting my masters degree in education, I also need to be flexible. I love teaching, but despite what the media has touted for the past five years, right now there are too many teachers and not enough jobs. In New York City, there is a hiring freeze. No new teachers are allowed into the system, the only exception being private and charter schools. In our specialist society, that puts newly minted grads like me in a tough position. Yes, I am looking into moving, yes I am willing to take something related to teaching that is on the lower end of the pay scale. No, I will not give up on finding a teaching position.

Yet I can't help but remember how specialists and generalists work in nature. This is definitely a hard time. If I cannot do teaching, why not look at what else I can do?

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People also often "fall into careers". Why not see if I can help that "falling into a career" occur? I just need to look at my skills and talents. I need to be open to the possibility that teaching may not be a very viable option right now, especially in New York City. Perhaps some of the other jobs or careers I'd like are even more scarce, but as I said, I think that things happen for a reason. I call it karma, others call it God. Call it what you want, but it seems to be true. So if I am meant to do something else, I am alright with that. The important thing to me is that I enjoy what I do. I want to feel passionate about it. I want to be engaged in it. I want to be able to use my talents and skills to succeed in what I do. Although I am not going to give up on finding a teaching job, I will also look into other options. It's better than falling into something I don't want. Rather than that, I'd much rather choose what I fall into and cause it to happen. Perhaps that's not falling into a job at all, but perhaps it is.

Life is a fluid journey. If I am like water, I think I can go anywhere and succeed. My goals are not set in stone, but are flexible. I want to influence people for the better and if I can do that in one career over the other, than so be it.

Free writing: #1

The moon was up past the trees. Andrea could feel her heart racing. The grass beneath her feet became a blur. She fled past trees and rocks, somehow always knowing just where to step.

The fog was heavy and it was almost impossible to see far ahead. Andrea, though, had no problem. Her eyes could pierce through the thickest fog. The fog was like water and she was a fish swimming through it.

The men in their junk suits were following her. They had a small little cart that they dashed in and it always amazed Andrea that they kept themselves so bound. Unlike them Andrea was free and with her freedom, she leapt around a couple more rocks then skidded to a hault. She saw the cliff and the river down below. She knew that just beyond that cliff, at a certain spot that she knew, was a little ledge just big enough for a person. She ran to that.

The men in their junk suits and their little motorized car came up to the cliff after what seemed like forever. They stopped. They got out of their little car and looked around. One of them peered over the edge not far from where Andrea was hiding.

Without warning, like a wildcat protecting her cubs, Andrea leapt up from the ledge, quickly stepped up to the man and quietly pushed him over. The man probably screamed, but Andrea didn't hear him in his junk suit. She knew the other man would though.

Again Andrea ran. For a second she thought that maybe she should have done something with the car, but decided that running was after all the best option. These defilers with their toy technologies and their ships that traveled the stars were desecrating this planet. Andrea wanted no part in that.

So I decided that it's high time I write a blog or something. I'm not really sure what to write about, so what I write may be an eclectic version of stuff. It might be a bit slow going until I get this "blog" thing underway. I'm sure nobody will read this far back anyway, because once I get into the swing of things I might write a lot. Maybe I will write fiction? Nonfiction? I'm not really sure yet.

I called it "47 cents" because well, I needed something generic. Obvously "2 cents" would be taken. Other random number of cents have also been taken.

Not much happened today. Maybe the only interesting thing that (sort of) that happened was that I (re)discovered the amazing drink lady at the laundry mat. She can juice up anything you want and add milk, make a slushy, you name it and she uses fresh juice. Why not buy a juicer you say? Well I suppose you could but if you're waiting for your laundry it may be just what you are looking for.